Well, I did it again. It's been over a month since I last wrote. After I got back from my French adventure two weeks ago (it was fabulous!), I was swept right up into exam craziness as the semester came to a close. Exams successfully completed, I've been spending the last few days bidding goodbye to my American friends who have almost all headed back to the States, my friends here in Rennes, my host family, and Rennes itself.
Tonight is my last night in Rennes. I board the train to Paris early tomorrow morning. I will meet my friend Carmen and her sister Rachel at the bridge closest to the entrance of Notre Dame Cathedral. From there, we will retrace our steps to our old and much beloved neighborhood from our stay in January. I am excited to return to the place where my adventure started; it suits my romantic mindset very well. We will take the expensive RER train back to our hotel near the Charles de Gaulle airport after dinner (hopefully at our favorite Asian food haunt in the Latin Quarter), and then we will all leave bright and early the next morning for our respective homes (assuming the Iceland volcano cloud behaves itself, please God).
I am so thrilled to be coming home to Minnesota. I will get to see my parents and my family right away, will get to eat my much missed Mexican and all-American cheeseburger favorites, and I will be up north breathing in the pine-scented air within 11 hours of my touchdown in Minneapolis. Being away from Minnesota has made me realize how much of a home it has become for me--not because I grew up there (I didn't) or because I love the land and the culture (I do), but because it's where my parents, a good number of my family, and several of my best friends are (at least for the majority of the year). Coming home to me is running into my mother's arms as soon as I clear customs, putting my head on my dad's shoulder as we walk out to the Subaru, sitting around a table talking and laughing with a small gathering of my favorite people in the world.
This evening at my last dinner with my host family, Manu asked me what I like most about being in France. I dread questions like these because unlike several of my comrades here in Rennes, I have not fallen head-over-heels for France. My honest self cannot gush over how much I love traipsing to the boulangerie for bread or hitting the cobblestones on Thursday nights with my American friends to go find the hottest bar. I like being here, and I will miss it. I will miss walking through the Parc du Thabor to smell the newly bloomed roses on my way to student teach, I will miss sipping an apératif made by my host dad while watching the French news, I will miss running to the Carrefour across the street every Tuesday to pick up a baguette, some salami, and the best-tasting yogurt known to man, I will miss riding the métro everyday to class and entertaining myself with Sudoku and Harry Potter-in-French reading, I will miss talking with Charlotte while she sits on my lap, I will miss going to O'Connell's Irish pub to drink Breton cidre with my friends, I will miss speaking French every single day, I will miss being able to hop on a train and go wherever I want, I will miss watching American films dubbed in French, I will miss creamy cheese (Camembert! chèvre! St Moret! Brie!) and white wine (especially since I will no longer be able to legally purchase it in 48 hours), I will miss playing the piano with Maxime, I will miss walking down cobblestone streets that hurt my feet while glancing nonchalantly around at the 600-year old buildings. I will miss France! But it's not home.
I will perhaps return one day, even one day soon. There is a student teaching program run by the French government that will allow me to come back to France to teach English to French students. I am very interested in this program, but I need to get home and have some distance from this experience before I can know for sure if that would be a good move for me. Do I want to build a home for myself in Rennes? in France? So far away from everything I know and love? I know I have changed and learned a lot about myself, but my new self needs to readjust to the life of my old self before I can think about my new self's plans to return--though at this moment I am living as if I'm coming back despite myself, subconsciously refusing to accept the end of this chapter and the possibility that I will never again walk the streets of Rennes.
So, my bags (I had to buy an extra bag to haul back all the books I bought...whoops) are packed and I'm ready to go. I have no idea how much my big suitcase weighs...crossing fingers! Butterflies are in my stomach, emotions are running high (cried tonight when I gave the Berthauts their homemade thank you card decorated with all the things we have done together), and I am leaving in about 10 hours. So many adventures await me, and while I am excited to begin the next chapter of my life (Summer 2011!) I am truly sad to be ending this one.
Au revoir, France. Until we meet again.
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